By D.C. Lucchesi
Whether it’s Hood to Coast, the Blue Ridge Relay, the Everlasting Panty Raid, or anywhere in between, there’s nothing quite like a relay race. One of the great things about long-distance relay events is all the time you get to spend with your teammates. Of course, it’s also one of the worst things about the relay. Let’s be real here. For every minute you get to spend out there on the road or trail, you’ll be taxed HOURS of downtime hanging out with your team. And while that ride to the start line will probably be all enthusiastic chatter, surrounded by neatly stacked gear in air-conditioned comfort, it only goes downhill from there. No matter what’s done and said, it could always be worse. Headed for a relay this season? Here’s my short list of $#!+ that I hope you never have to hear in your van this year.
- I’m just gonna go ahead and scoot this seat back a little more …
- It probably won’t rain all weekend.
- Did anyone bring an extra pair of socks I could borrow?
- Guy at the exchange zone said there’s a pretty big dog on this leg of the course
- Hey! Is that a Taco Bell up there?
- I do CrossFit.
- I saw this article in Runner’s Mag…
- I’m just going to let these air dry right here.
- Man, that burrito is just not sitting well at all.
- Nah, I never bring deodorant on these trips. Just one more thing to pack, right?
- Did I mention I do CrossFit?
- Think we’ll pass a restaurant that does paleo/gluten-free/vegan?
- What’s that smell?
- I think I left one of my shoes at that last EZ.
- I get carsick pretty easy.
- I’m what you might call a “heavy sweater”.
- I could hear it growling, but I couldn’t tell what direction it was coming from…
- Let’s talk some more about running!
- Our last team captain didn’t do it that way.
- You guys should really try CrossFit.
- Race instructions suggested bear repellant. You don’t think we’ll need it, do you?
- Wait. We have to run at night?!
- What the #$%&? Van number 2 isn’t even here!
- I’ll probably just wear these clothes the whole time.
- So, you guys want to hang out after the race?
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D.C. Lucchesi runs, rides, and writes from Charlotte.When D.C. isn’t planning or participating in his own “next adventure,” the award-winning writer and former television producer can be found freelancing and waxing poetic on subjects ranging from health and endurance to schools and politics. When he’s not volunteering or coaching in some capacity with school-aged kids, he still enjoys interacting with grown-ups. Find him at email@example.com.